Four and a half years ago, I wrote this in one of my old blogs:
It was all laid out there, right in front of me at midnight on that Saturday. While I wasn’t completely on my own, I had taken a step out of my parent’s arms, and into a future that was so unclear that it was scary. But that’s life isn’t it? And isn’t that what people fear the most, the unknown? It’s why we are afraid to watch suspenseful movies, because we never know what could be lurking around that corner. At the same rate though, stepping into the unknown is necessary to living. Being in that level of uncertainty gives us strength, and propels us forward into our future careers or jobs. If we do happen to fail at one point in the abyss of the unknown, though, it also proves which friends are true, and those who are not. The true friends will be there to catch you and put you back where you belong.
Four and a half years ago, I began my journey into the world of higher education. And obviously, I was scared out of my eighteen-year-old mind. I didn’t know what was to come; I had planned on becoming a high school English teacher, and I knew there was a lot of work ahead of me.
It’s funny how things turn out though, isn’t it?
I’ll admit it: I hated mostly everything about the major I had chosen. But I also loathed the idea of having to choose what I wanted to do with my life instead. I thought about taking some time off, just to figure it out. I couldn’t convince myself that taking time off was an acceptable idea, though. So I spent a lot of time pouring over the course catalog that was already outdated by a year, texting my high school teachers going “I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING WITH MY LIFE,” and writing a lot of lists.
Since I was ten, I’ve been writing. It doesn’t matter what…fiction, poetry, nonfiction. There’s even been a few song lyrics in there. And I realized that this is where my passion existed. In the words. In the intricate descriptions that I could weave with words. And realizing that I wanted to be an English with writing major was the most relieving choice I ever made in my entire career.
That was two years ago.
And now I’m a college graduate. I have a career set up – one that I’ve been told several times doesn’t even fit my major. But I’m confident that I’m good at it. But it’s still terrifying.
I’m back to that Saturday and midnight when I was alone in my dorm wondering where in the world life was going to take me next. There’s so much uncertainty after you graduate college, even when you have a job set up. You never know what’s going to happen next, and that’s honestly one of the most nerve wracking things I’ve ever dealt with in my life.
At the same time, though, I’m excited. I get to finally leave the town I grew up in for the past twenty-two years. I get to go apartment hunting…I get to decorate my own space. (Probably with a lot of bookshelves…be real.) I get the chance to make new friends, spend time with old friends. There is just so much that I get to look forward to in the next few months.
There are so many people that I wish could see this end result; the person that I’ve become over the past four and a half years. I want the people I lost too early to celebrate with me. I want the people who doubted me to see that they were wrong. But even though I’ll be missing out on those people gone from my life in one way or another, there are so many people in my life right now to remind me that I’m not alone. To remind me that I’m important, and that I’ve accomplished one of the best achievements of my life.
If only freshman me could see college graduate me, now. Phew.